Love vs Lust

Lust is nature’s way of bringing you together with a potential partner. In fact, without lust we may not have even felt the way we did when we first saw them and perhaps our love would never have had a chance. Lust is the starting point of what could be a continuing road towards culminating a romantic love.

Have you ever been mesmerised by a boy or girl standing next to you in a line? Is it merely infatuation, their unbelievable good looks, a sort of chemistry or is it the real thing…love?

Actually we are all brought up with an unconscious image of the person our childhood programmed us to fall in love with or become infatuated with. You may find, as you get older that the people you are attracted to are similar to your mother or father. This happens unconsciously and you may not even realise it. Another characteristic of a partner we choose may be that they have traits that you wish you had. You may be a little shy but your partner is never shy and sometimes you wish you were like that too. Perhaps they bring you out of your shell. Can you see how opposites attract?

Falling in love can be one of the most wonderful feelings you’ll ever have. Finding someone that you connect with on such a personal level is very special. It’s not the same love you’ll have with a brother or sister or even a parent.

And falling in love should be a two-way thing. Both partners should learn and gain from the relationship. But all relationships need nurturing and they constantly need to be worked on. There will always be disagreements but if you have found a way to work through each one then you’re heading in the right direction for a long lasting unity.

Why are the bad ones so attractive?
We’ve all heard the talk of being attracted to the rebel. Someone who pushes the boundaries and is spontaneous and fun – or so they seem. Those sorts of people remind us what excitement and spontaneity are all about. Long term they may not be what you’re really after. If they’re getting into trouble and leading you into trouble then you should probably think twice. Remember there are people that can be spontaneous and fun without getting into trouble. But there is always something attractive about the rebel.

How can I tell I’m in love?
This is not an easy question to answer. What feels like love to you may only feel like attraction to someone else. Some people fall in love quickly or often but they may be confusing it for lust.

This is common in your early teenage years – you are entering your first relationships so it’s hard to tell what you should be feeling and what it is that you’re feeling. You can be overwhelmed with all sorts of new feelings and social pressures from peers.

Lust is a powerful feeling. It is an intense feeling of physical attraction toward another person. The attraction is instant so it is based on what you see and the chemistry in those first few moments rather than genuine caring for the person. Usually we lust after people we do not know very well but people we still feel comfortable about fantasizing about. Lust is about physical attraction and acting only on physical attraction but love is much more than that.

Love is based on more than just physical attraction but of course you still need to be attracted to the person. But love goes deeper than that and is based on caring, commitment, friendship and trust. When you’re in love it is like having the most trusted special friend by your side and you’re attracted to them! It’s like having the best of both worlds. Love is shared by two people who both want to be happy and for each other to be happy. Love is surrendering your heart to another knowing they will surrender their heart to you in return. Love should feel good, love should make you want to be a better person, and love can make you selfless and teach you to think of others. Love will make you feel on top of the world and make you glow.

Here are some tell tale signs that love might be blooming for you:

1. You know that your deep feelings are returned because your partner has told you so.

2. Your partner makes you feel special and good about yourself.

3. Nothing makes you feel more satisfied and comfortable than when you and your partner are together

4. If when you feel jealous it always passes quickly because you trust your partner not to betray you.

5. When you fight with your partner you usually make up within a few hours and agree that expressing your feelings is important even if it can cause conflict

6. Your partner never asks you to choose between him/her and your family and friends.

7. Neither you nor your partner feel the need to test each other’s feelings and loyalty

8. You are more yourself when you are with your partner than you are with anybody else.

9. If sex is part of your relationship it is by mutual desire and consent and neither of you are pressured in to it to test your relationship or otherwise.

Each relationship is different and it can be hard finding “the one”. Some people search all their lives for the perfect partner and some are lucky and believe they have found them. Love is something you wish on everyone because it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

We’ll leave you with some quotes about love:

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. – Elizabeth Barrett Browning –

Love comforteth like sunshine after rain. – William Shakespeare –

True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

The best way to love is to love like you have never been hurt –Anonymous

Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. –Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Love is not blind — it simply enables one to see things others fail to see. –Anonymous